How to deal with intrusive thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are those sudden, unwanted mental blips that show up uninvited. They can be weird, scary, violent, sexual, or just plain distressing. And your first thought might be: “Why would I think that?! What’s wrong with me?”

Here’s the truth: intrusive thoughts are normal. Everyone has them. The difference is how we respond. People with anxiety or OCD often get stuck in a loop of analyzing, neutralizing, or trying to “un-think” the thought. And that? Only makes it stickier.

Trying to force an intrusive thought away is like trying not to think of a pink elephant. (Guess what you’re thinking about now?)

What makes intrusive thoughts even more painful?
They often target the things we care about most. That’s what makes them feel so awful. A kind, gentle parent might suddenly think, “What if I hurt my child?” Someone who values morality might have an intrusive sexual or violent thought. The brain—especially an anxious one—has a way of saying, “What’s the worst possible thing that could contradict your values? Let’s toss that in your mental inbox real quick.”

And because the thought goes against your core self, you panic. You try to push it away, analyze it, or find reassurance. But all of that just tells your brain, “This thought must be important,” and the cycle continues.

So how do we deal with it?
We change the relationship we have with the thought. Instead of fighting it, we allow it to exist—without meaning, without judgment. Like spam mail, you don’t have to open it or respond. You just acknowledge it: “Oh look, there’s that weird thought again,” and return to what matters.

Working with a therapist—especially someone trained in CBT or ERP—can help you learn how to unhook from these thoughts and respond in a way that honors your values, rather than getting hijacked by the fear.

You are not your thoughts. You are what you value—and the very fact that the thought distresses you proves it doesn’t define you.