What are attachment styles and how do they impact relationships?
Attachment styles are like the emotional blueprints we build in childhood for how relationships work. They come from our earliest experiences with caregivers and shape how we connect, trust, and navigate closeness and distance.
The four most common styles are:
Secure: “I trust that I’m loved and I can ask for support.”
Anxious: “I’m afraid you’ll leave, so I need constant reassurance.”
Avoidant: “I learned to rely on myself. Needing others feels risky.”
Disorganized: “I crave connection but fear it, too.”
These patterns often show up in adult relationships—romantic, platonic, and even professional. You might recognize your style in how you respond to conflict, intimacy, or vulnerability. Do you pull people close, then panic when they get too close? Do you shut down or push people away before they can disappoint you? Do you feel hyper-aware of changes in someone’s tone, text response time, or body language?
Whatever your pattern, the most important thing to know is this: attachment styles aren’t life sentences. They’re not fixed labels. They’re just maps—and maps can be redrawn.
So how do you start finding more security in your relationships?
That’s where therapy comes in. Here’s how different approaches can help:
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) helps you uncover the beliefs driving your attachment style—like “I’m not lovable” or “People always leave”—and gently challenge them. You’ll learn how your thoughts shape your feelings and behaviors in relationships, and how to build new, more balanced ways of thinking.
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) invites you to get really clear on your values in relationships (like connection, honesty, safety), and helps you take action in line with those values—even when your anxiety or attachment wounds get loud. ACT is especially helpful for building emotional flexibility and practicing self-compassion along the way.
Person-Centered Therapy creates a warm, supportive space where you can safely explore how past relationships have shaped your current ones. This approach is grounded in empathy, unconditional positive regard, and respect for your inner wisdom. It’s like having someone walk beside you as you make sense of your relationship history—and begin to rewrite it.
Therapy helps you notice the patterns, understand the origins, and—bit by bit—create new relational experiences that feel safer, stronger, and more aligned with who you are now. You don’t have to keep repeating the same cycles. With support and intention, secure connection is absolutely possible.
